Life, innit?

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R.I.P Borris the spider. (2012-2012)

Right so one morning I decided to go down to get some breakfast, and there it was… A spider the size of my palm (no exaggeration). So I boldly decided to go and grab a shoe from the hall to make it quick and easy.

Got back to the spider, attempted to splat him. Lifted the shoe up expecting to find spider carcass on the bottom… Nothing. He got away at last minute, ran under the fireplace. for the next few mornings this kept happening, however one morning I went down and he was not there waiting for me like usual.

A week went past when I hadn’t seen him, however I began to find many little spiders all over the house. I’d killed atleast 9 little spiders by the time that I came face to face with Borris again.

I was sat on my bedroom floor with my laptop, when I saw something moving in the corner of my eye. When I turned to look, I couldn’t see anything. “I must be tired” I thought, and just as I was about to turn my head back, the little bastard crawled out of my jeans on the floor and ran under the CD rack.

"Fuck this" I thought. And so the chase began.

I grabbed a shoe and moved my CD rack, but he was gone. I looked round my room making sure not to miss anywhere out, and then I spotted him on one of my sisters tops. I got a travel brochure and threw it on top of him but he crawled out and ran towards my hat. I didn’t want to get close to him at all due to his speed, so I decided to throw the shoe instead. Missed.

He crawled into my jacket, and just as he did so I grabbed my worst acoustic guitar and started beating shit out of him.

It took 2 shoes, a travel brochure, an acoustic guitar and a jacket to take this bad boy down, but I finally got him. Proud of myself.

Filed under Spider spiders